DECEMBER 8 INTO 9

Tonight feels like my death

I'm counting every breath

I've fallen to such depths

And tonight feels like my death

 

I can't help but roam

This crowded world alone

Sure, I have a home

but I can't help but roam

 

Treachery and love

Overflow my cup

I have had enough

Of treachery and love

​

 

WEIGHT OF THE WORLD

I'm sick and tired of you being well-rested

And ignoring your failure each time you've been tested

In this game of love, girl, i've been bested

It's a good thing i'm no longer vested

I wouldn't believe it if i hadn't seen it

No girl you can't tell me that you didn't mean it

You made that mess girl, and you can't clean it

Scrub all you want, but you still reek of it

 

I've got the weight, the weight of the world

down on my shoulders

I really feel it, girl, i'm getting older

Too old for this

 

You tell me you're lonely, you tell me you miss me

But girl that's only cuz you dismissed me

Don't you remember how good it felt when you kissed me

Well, girl, that's ancient his'try

 

I've got the weight, the weight of the world

down on my shoulders

I really feel it press down like a boulder

Not that you care

 

I shared my soul with you cuz it was too much to bear

You know all the dirty, dirty shit that's in there

You heard every word, but you didn't care

Otherwise you wouldn't be nowhere

 

I've got the weight, the weight of the world down on my shoulders

I'm laying face down like a wounded soldier

I remember when I used to be bolder

Not anymore​

 

 

SOUL CHANGING LOVE

I get up early just to stretch my sails

even if no wind is blowing

I try not to worry, but I so often fail

And worrying is one way of knowing

 

That I've got to make my own way

Otherwise I'll never leave this harbor

Of course, I wonder why bother

Sailing away?

Without a soul changing love to guide my way

One that is all mine

A soul changing love, everyday

Until the end of time

 

Don't crucify me for my memory

It's my only evidence of us

Cuz we don't remind me of what we used to be

And I've all but given up

 

On holding you to everything you said

And the promises you swore to hold

I never used to feel the cold

But now it burns

As I yearn for a soul changing love

To lift me up

One that is all mine

A soul changing love to fill my cup

Until the end of time

 

Sure it's implied and I readily admit.

I need more than I can receive

No I won't hide from the worst of it.

I just longer believe

 

So I guess I'll just do without 

Until someone comes along and wows me

And keeps their every vow to me - always 

Like giving soul changing love to carry me along

One that's mine all mine

A soul changing love, deep and strong

Until the end of time

 

 

TAKE WHAT YOU CAN

I want to mess around - I want to sneak downtown

Don't tell me we're too old to make mistakes

Why even live this life if we don't make our own stakes? 
We can fix anything that breaks

 

I want to take your hand - I want to make my stand

Tomorrow we can tally what went wrong

If we don't make the morning, we weren't that strong

In that case, we can just move along

 

If you've got a lover in your arms, you're a very lucky man

Cuz we can't all find love - you've got to take what you can

 

I want to touch your skin - I want you to let me in

I don't care if the planets are aligned

You and me, we can see our own patterns in the sky

Doesn't that one look like you and I?

 

Yeah, we can talk about it - but we'd be talking all night long

There ain't no doubt about it

Baby my love for you is so strong

 

 

HELEN OF TROY

My name is Paris and I come from the sea

I carry only my heart with me

Words of your charms spread far and wide

so now I've come with a purpose - to make you mine

 

Menelaus should never have turned his back

with a man like me on his track

but he couldn't hold your heart like I can

I did you a favor when I forced your hand.

 

What I left home is of no concern

I saved what I could - the rest I burned

I needed to know I could follow any turn

Otherwise, I'm just a soldier, awaiting word

to lay down his life before he ever learned

how to climb out of his hurt

 

You can be such a liar and you can be so cruel

You help set all these fires but then you act so cool

don't you ever wonder what it's like to be true?

Well, as long as I'm here I won't accept any less

I'll unlock the door, dear - either leave or confess

that you want me like I know you do.

 

No, Helen, you aren't without blame.

You always knew just why I came.

Your words never spoke of the truth in your heart:

that you secretly wanted it all to fall apart.

 

Well, if the world wants to war, let them all fall down.

Let them suffer, let them bleed, let them suffer, let them drown.

Don't worry if they ever understand why we did what we had to do.

Only worry, baby, about me and you

After all, it's what we always do

​

 

BE MY EXCEPTION

Be my exception, not the rule.

Be kind when others are cruel.

Come soft, take care

of all the secrets I'm gonna share.

I'll do the same - oh, girl, I swear.

 

Be my exception. Be the one 

I turn to when the day is done.

When I'm lost, come find me.

At any cost, stand behind me.

I'll make it worth your while.

Because I live to see you smile.

 

So many times I've fallen so hard

expecting a woman to be what she's not.

Neither of us know how this will end

but I've got a feeling that I've got a friend in you.

 

Be my exception, make it clear

that you love despite your fear

when it's easy just to run

oh, come and see me, we'll put some music on

and ride out another day

in a sweet loving haze.

 

 

DOOMSDAY BABY

You turned your back on me, girl,

When I needed you most.

I asked for your hand, but you said you had plans

So i twisted in the wind like a ghost.

 

Still I pleaded with you, woman,

"Baby, don't let me drown!"

I was down on my knees,

But you were drinking tea

With the brand new me that you found.

 

Still you tell me that you love me, true.

But those are just words

Aren't they doomsday baby?

 

But still I begged you girl,

Over and over again.

If you loved me like you said,

You wouldn't leave me for dead,

But baby that is just what you did.

 

And yet I asked you once more

How could you do this to me?

To someone you love, who has done so much

For you without return or relief

 

But still you swear that I'm one half of you.

I bet you half hate yourself,

Don't you doomsday baby?

 

You nourish me with me muddy water

And expect me to be glad.

I had a house, a wife, a daughter.

All you had was a plan

To take as much as you can.

 

You nourish me with me muddy water

And wonder why I feel so bad.

I ain't moved yet on but I oughta.

Otherwise ill die where I stand.

And I bet you'd be glad.

 

 

MOVIE MOMENT

A movie moment is all that will get me through

This real life of mine that's fallen to ruin.

It's half your doing.

The hurt that's ensuing will be our undoing.

 

Fly home early - jump off a moving train.

Do something big and loud to ease my quiet pain,

Which is screaming at me again

For an act of love to grand to settle the heart within.

 

I feel so trampled.

You promised love? Well, give me a sample.

You say you'd do anything? Well, give me an example.

My notice is ample:

Just take a gamble.

And put your life in shambles for me.

​

​

ONE THING TIME HASN'T TOUCHED

Baby, Coney Island is half as big as I remember.

The boardwalk is worn and all the good rides are closed.

I could swear on a prayed there used to be a million people there

When the sun shone down.

Now there's just the echo of laugher and a million ghosts.

 

There's rust on the bumper of pop-pop's old Cadillac.

It's parked in the drive way, back there in the shade.

It used to zip around - it made such a sound

And we'd yell "take us around the block again!"
It's like we buried them both on the same day.

 

This concrete garden used to be so lush.

And my old guitar, it's gone hush.

But the bat of your eye is still such a rush.

Cuz our love is one thing that time hasn't touched.

 

Baby, you and I used to sit on Shore Road.

Under the moon, idly in the breeze.

Once I touched your face, there was nowhere, baby.

In Brooklyn or the world I would rather be.

 

But real estate is so expensive, and then the baby came.

And though Brookly was our heart, there was hunger in our bones.

Now we sit in the yard now that life is so hard

And we sip jasmine green tea.

And we wonder what's next, and we wonder where's home.

 

Remember Nellie Bly, it's all covered in rust.

And have you seen old Mick? He's aged so much.

But when you reach out and kiss me, I still blush.

 

Can you believe that John and me have lost touch?
But the touch of your hand, I still need it so much.

Cuz our love is one thing that time hasn't touched

​

 

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO TO ME

You call on me because, so easily

I forgive all the wrong you do.

But the truth is I'm happy, cuz it gives me the chance to be

So close, baby, so close to you.

 

I try so hard to make you earn it.

But it didn't long for you to learn it.

No, I'm  yours, baby

No matter what you do to me.

 

There was a time when I was full of pride.

Ain't that what first attracted you?
I never spent a lonely night 'til you came into my life.

So sad, baby, so sad but true.

 

Your sweet love, it's turned so cold, babe,

But I just can't break free of your hold, babe.

No, I'm yours woman

No matter what you do to me.

 

Your sweet love, it's turned me blind, babe,

But I just can't leave you behind, babe.

No, I'm yours mama

No matter what you do to me.

​

 

WHEN YOU LEAVE ME IN THE DUST

I don't know why you want me still

When all I do is run?

I can't think of what I've done

To ever earn your trust.

But the best is yet to come

When you leave me in the dust.

 

Something that happened before

Should happen again.

But it never will because

I left it to rust.

It's bound to be better than it ever was

When you leave me in the dust.

 

I try and talk about it

But I've nothing to say.

So I opt for silence:

A silence born of shame.

 

I knew that I lost you when

Your tears started to dry up.

You gave nothing but your love

Now you take it back in disgust.

Baby you'll see, you're better than me

When you leave me in the dust.

Life is harder than they said

And I couldn't adjust.

Don't you ever turn your head

When you leave me in the dust.

​

 

WARS & WARRIORS

Sins of the father

Mother, uncle, friend and rest.

Sins that surround you ‘til they take root in the chest.

Great neptune’s ocean is all dried up.

 

Leave the winning of wars to warriors.

You're too busy with your toys.

You’ve never risen above.

You pretend to love, but you only destroy.

Great neptune’s ocean rejects you.

 

See there a mirror? 

Look or not, it still reflects

The promise lost from your eyes.

Crowns don’t sit easy on the head.

Great neptune’s ocean cant wash these hands .

 

 

I AM MY OWN SALVATION

I am my own salvation. 

I am my only defense. 

What you were you no longer are. 

A memory. A whisper, past tense. 

Soft hands and violence. 

 

I thought you were my partner. 

or even a friend, at least

But if you want to love me again

you have to murder the beast

That lives in your chest

 

I've had my share of it

I thought I was clear of it

Girl I feel like shit

and you're another cause of it

 

I am my own salvation. 

I am my only reward. 

Shame on me for shamelessly 

begging you to be more

And to settle the score

 

You did that dance with me

Said you'd take a chance on me

But you showed your stance on me

When you put your hands on me. 

 

So I am my own salvation. 

 

 

BEFORE I WAS YOUR ENEMY

We laid in fields of green, with no space in between.

Made love beneath a tree before I was your enemy.

We fought relentlessly against friends and family.

It was always you and me, before I was your enemy.

 

We laughed and loved and breathed and held on so tightly.

Each other's king and queen, before I was your enemy.

 

Time betrays us like the tree

Does the tender falling leaf.

Why delay the reality?

We, as all, are meant to cease.

 

I shared, willingly, the deepest parts of me.

It all was yours to keep, before I was your enemy.

We swapped stories and dreams, unlocked painful memories.

Then locked them back up, safely, before I was your enemy.

 

Death is only death you see.

An end with no chance at reprieve.

Breath is borrowed, not ours to keep.

This is our last chance to breathe.

 

I got down on one knee, you wept then fell into me.

We built a family, before I was your enemy.

As a child, I would dream of a life filled with peace.

And someone to share it with me, before I was your enemy.

 

You got the best of me, before I was your enemy.

You were my love, my sweet, the other half of me

Before I was your enemy.

 

 

PROM

You spend your time forgiving yourself for what you've done.

So the life you're living exists for no one.

Time is just a promise that you can't take back.

Strips the clothes right off your back.

 

You spend your time worrying who you're gonna take to prom.

But its all so blurry - when the moment comes, it's gone.

So you spend the years wishing you could get it back,

Just to make up for the youth that you lack.

 

You're finding out that it's too hard.

The finish line is just another start.

 

Jen had a baby, he swore he'd stay.

Then she had another and he ran away.

Shame on her and her trust.

Missy had a hard time getting through the spring.

She cut herself to dull all the pain it would bring.

You can't blame her - shame on us.

Lilly was a child, not a woman at all.

She used to run wild, now she's slowed to a crawl.

He promised his name to her, but left only rust.

Who'll be the next one, left only for dead?

Just to dull the ache in his belly and the noise in his head?

It'll start as a game for her, but it'll end in dust.

 

You take all sorts of pictures, setting memory in stone.

Your own little scripture, proof you weren't always alone. 

But the past won't make today hurt any less. 

A mess is still a mess. 

 

I never left my home.

Just painted it over and called it my own.

I never regretted anything I've done

As much as who I took to prom.

 

Lost every battle I've fought.

I'm not as special as I thought.

I never regretted anything I've done

As much as what I wore to prom.

​