VOL. 1: ILLCONCEIVED | frank-lazarus

* PRODUCED by Frank Lazarus

* MASTERED by Mike Pepe & Frank Lazarus

* All songs written by Frank Lazarus,

© 2020 FreeEarthMusic, BMI.

* ARTWORK by Mariel Mitkowski.

ILLCONCEIVED: SWANSONGS, VOL. 1

Above all, SWANSONGS is a story. It's the tale of a man, a street preacher, whose life, despite all the promise of his youth, has culminated in shame and disgrace. This man has been beaten down by life, but has also beaten down others around him along the way, and has all those scars to show. Now, after a life of resentment and discontent, he is ready to speak his final truth, shared in a series of street sermons, titled after the way the world sees him: as ILLCONCEIVED, IMPROVIDENT, IGNOBLE and INGLORIOUS.

ILLCONCEIVED is the first sermon, and it's an EP about control, in its presence and absence. This man once felt hope and promise; once was capable of giving and receiving good, pure, real love. And yet, there was always an air of gloom just over his horizon. The songs on ILLCONCEIVED track that gloom.

"GROWN" is a statement of purpose; a declaration of dependence on self only. Featuring Matt Phillips on slide guitar and backing vocals, and Cat Myles, Dan Phillips, and Olivia & Julia on backing vocals. His band, THE BIRDDOGS, finds the country-funk groove that match his soul.

"HOME" is his cautionary tale a about the ills of trying too hard. Is a destination always worth its journey? Featuring Matt Phillips on slide guitar and Cat Myles on backing vocals, the song is a bizarro slow jazz/blues, boasting a mammoth, slow-burn of a groove and sludge rock choruses for good measure.

In "BEAST," he's at war with the man in the mirror, and their shadows that spread backwards to the cracks of doom. How good could he have been if he ever had a fair chance? A clear path for trying? Matt Phillips plays slide guitar on this classic-acoustic-folk-rock song, which is slow, soulful and sad.

"DESTINY" is about the piece of his legacy that he can control and how hard he has fought to bring love to his family, even as the world around him tried to tear him down. The Birddogs' guide this track through a reggae infused soft country soul, with DAVE VOLANO'S trap-infused groove front and center.

1. GROWN

I work hard, day and night

Sometimes I just want to get high

You can't tell me I don't have the right

To smoke what I have earned

Feeling good ain't no kind of crime

So why so many folks doin' time?

10 years all for a dime?

You can't say what it's worth

When it grows here on earth

I'm a grown man, I'm a grown man

I'm a grown man & I'll smoke whatever I choose

I'm a grown man - I'll deal my own hand

I'm a grown man - If I lose, I lose

It ain't about you

I've been free, I've been in jail;

I've made a home riding the rails

I succeed half as much as I fail,

Then I deal with the consequence

I've been weak, I've been tough as nails;

I've beat the hell-hound on my trail

But that mother's still got my smell

I ain't seen the last of him

He'll be 'round again

(And when he does, I'll be ready for him)

I'm a grown man, I'm a grown man

I'm a grown man & I deserve just a little peace

I'm a grown man - consider this my big stand

I'm a grown man so go & make room for me

Respectfully

I'm a grown man, I'm a good man

I'm a good man but these days that don't mean shit

I'm a good man - like so many others have been

A whole lotta good men w/ nothing to show for it

I'm a good man, but it don't matter that I am

Cuz I'm a grown man and grown's all I gotta be

I'm a grown man - take me as I am

I'm a good man, but who's being good to me?

Ain't you supposed to be?

2. HOME

I've been hitching for hours - my stomach is sour

My clothes are covered in sweat

I need a shower but ain’t got power

To even lift up my head

If a thing or two broke differently

I might have ended up dead

Now I’m down to the bone; all my layers are shed

They bled me bout as much as a man can be bled

Now the things ‘bout dying that thrill me

Outweigh the ones that I dread

I’m hitching, but I should be ditching this bitch of a hike instead

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm high or if I'm dying

And if this is my time, well...am I satisfied?

'course, this is my time of dying, so I expect your li

In this holy moment please gleam hope in your eye

Say only sweet things when you say your goodbye

Tell me all is forgiven; say we’ll meet on the other side

Just say what you gotta say to help me get by

Isn't it a long way home?

Isn't it a long way? I wonder if it's even safe.

I wonder if it's even worth going

I forgive you, girl

But make no mistake: I’m gonna dwell

I earned that much; burned that much

Putting up with your hell

You wonder why shit’s different

Well, baby, can’t you tell?

Just go follow the trail of our epic fails

And you'll see just where we fell.

I best that I run away, but I'm under your spell

It’s like I’m drawn; no, addicted

To the sound; to the smell

To the total deconstruction of my will

Isn’t it a long way home?

Isn’t it a long way? Couldn’t it be the wrong way?

I wonder if it’s even worth going

No you ain't never safe

When the man's got a stake of your claim and he knows your address

Cuz if you don't pay then they gon' take away

All the things that you paid for in sweat

You cry and complain but all they can say is

"Boy that's just how it is"

I'm so ashamed that this is the state of the world

That I'm leaving to my kids

I really can't blame no woman or man

Who wants to blow it to bits

If you don’t hit first, you’re asking to be hit

Even set aflame, shit is still shit

Isn’t it a long way home?

Isn’t it a long way? I doubt its gonna be the same

I wonder if it’s even worth going

3. BEAST

Just this year I turned the age

My father was when he chose to leave

He popped in to help me turn the page

Then ducked back in memory

Will I ever see an age

Where there's no worry & I'm at peace?

Or is all this ignorant rage

Forever part of me?

Who is the rot

In our fucked-up family tree?

The bad seed?

Maybe it’s me

Ten years ago, I was an age

To jam with Stills at Monterey

I was good enough to be on that stage

To carve out my own legacy

But now I sit back in my cage

Settled in to my end phase

I share Deja Vu on my page

All my good guitars put away

He sings of many colored beasts

And it hits me sad & deep

Maybe the beast is me

Maybe it’s me

The easiest to break

Are those who never got to be free

And for that, who’s guilty?

Maybe it’s me

4. DESTINY

I cry when the wind blows and I'm not there to know

If you’re scared or if you’re being brave

No, it doesn’t seem fair that I can’t be there

To keep you warm and keep you safe

Baby, how’d it get to this?

I keep thinking ‘bout Christmas morn’

You wake me up at dawn

You pour some coffee in my daddy cup

But this year, you’re with Mom

I hope you’re having fun

I just miss you both so much

I can’t put into words

How much I love you girls

I just hope you really know it’s true

Even from afar, I love you

Wherever you are, I’ll run to

I’ll be the stars above you

I know I’m not there, babies

But if you look up high

We’ll write our destiny across the sky

Now, I'm thinking 'bout them early days

Such a lovely haze of music and sex and weed

Well, some of that has been replace

By the sad truths of our age

But you are still the only one I need

To go dancing through

All those lovely nights in June

Then huddle with when the cold wind starts to blow

The winters are long and lonely

So come spend this one with me

I'll keep you warm, and you me

Cuz when you’re near me, baby

The sun does truly shine

And we’ll blow our destiny in clouds across the sky

When mommy’s watching Buffy and the girls are off at play

I pick you up and we dance ‘round the room, face to face

I shake your shoulders to the rhythm of drums & bass

And I see that perfect smile flash over your face

And I know you that got something deep inside of you

That runs through me and ran through my daddy too

It’s the soul - it’s the groove

It’s a dream I get to share everyday with you

Yes, I love my father

Just like I hope you love me

Yes, I love my mother

Just like I want for you and mommy

Yes, I love my sister

Just like I want for you and Liv & Jules

Yes, I love my brother

Just like I know they're gonna love you

My baby boy

My one true pride and joy

My only true debt is to you

If I tell you I'm strong, I'm lying

The days without you are long - I'm dying

I've gotten so much wrong, but I keep trying

The winters are long and lonely

So come spend this one with me

I’ll do my best, family

To do everything just right

And we’ll write our destiny

In breath ‘cross the cold, dark sky